GIMPed

a preview, using GIMP. will upload more once i have time to.

thinking and trying

been so obsessed with thinking about things that i forgot to just try.

thank you.

thanks ah.

I won't be using you soon at work, you *censored (but true)* program.

*edits* can't understand why you can't do an auto update like most other sensible (and many insensible too) software, oh wait i do understand. it's just called incompetency.
oh btw, hello digsby! you seem much more reliable, even can install when i have limited admin rights!

chicken and eggs

would a person lose his humanity, if he is out of touch with humanity?
is it a inborn instinct, or a ability that we learn to put on?
when we slip back to the wilderness, without society, do we lose our ability to be human?
what is human?
our pride our greed our delight our agony our jealousy our intellect our ponderings our deities our obsessions our insatiable cravings.
a feral child. a jungle girl. are they human? they may be called socially impaired, but are they in the right society? they may be called mentally impaired, but can they survive on their own, left to their own devices? do we have the right to "bring them back to society", to "civilise" them, to "help them adjust back to a normal human's life"?

I am 25 mins late for experiment day one. shall start in 5 mins.

*edits* today shall be experiment day 0. let expt day 1 start tmr!!!

一人だけの所為じゃない

What would it be like - to disappear completely from this world without leaving a trace.

Or to find that - whatever traces of a person that you have known have been completely been erased from existence, even from the memories of those who once knew and interacted with that person.

It may not be an overnight thing, for such things rarely happen in a short space of time, but over time people fade out of existence. Time's ravages, if you will call it that.

And so - would it be your fault for not taking the time to understand that person; for not sharing and asking to share; for not stringing a thread to that person; for not giving memories a chance to take root and grow.

Or would it be - the fault of that person for not reaching out; for hiding behind a veil of secrecy; for withdrawing from attention; for putting on social masks; for failing to open up, sharing life experiences, happiness, sadness, joy, surprises, disappointments, love, wishes, peace, troubles...

人と人の関係を成功させるのは、一人だけで決める事じゃない。

some rubbish that i typed out on the way home (edited some more after extraction), after reading 1235 pages of drawings. Such a hassle to transfer from ipod to pc. need to use sqlite3 db manager some more zzz.

playing around with heavy lens

mediating, resting, shooting.


i wish she was less blurred


foggy lens, interesting lights

spiral of life

couldn't get rid of the reflections ><. couldn't make the snails stand out more.

独りの太陽

CB4D62AE

fbzrbar cyrnfr ohl zr gur kxpq: iby 0
be creuncf v fubhyq ohl vg zlfrys.
*jbaqref vs v unir gvzr/cngvrapr/oenvaf gb svther gur yvggyr trrxl fghss vafvqr

uggc://fgber.kxpq.pbz/kxpq/?obbx#kxpqibyhzr0

sigh

enough with the apple ipod fiddling.

The twisting agony of the heart

Since a day along the riverside,
a table for 2 - outside a restaurant
what they ate, he can't remember
his mind filled only with questions,
of why, what, had gone wrong.

'Twas a holiday too,
commemorating a death of a saviour,
and yet then he was still unfamiliar
with how the saviour works,
how He is like, what He does by saving.

Perhaps it was for that very reason,
unspoken, but looming large,
or for another one, subtle creeping in,
destroying the supports of
the precariously reaching out of love.

And now he finds himself drifting in and out
never staying long, always looking,
partly afraid, partly hopeful, always wishful,
but never able to be the same as the first time,
for the heart wound remembers.

must be patient

and tolerant and smiling and ladida
when
dealing with fyp student that goes ahahaha
when you are doing her work.

pluralis majestatis

(pluralis maiestatis in Latin)
or more commonly known as the royal "we"
or 我々in Japanese

has popped out twice in the past 12 hours.

and the need for a royal "I"...

not that it will matter to you much,

but i'll be praying for you.

and the wind howls around a silent room

for it could not still itself,

shifting its body here and there,

not even stilling at the stop signs,

driving itself into secret crevices and dark cracks,

howling, gushing, like a lunatic,

and yet, not visible at all.

やっぱり、友達がうまくできない。やりたいだが、できない。やりすぎかも。

独りのспутник

and had i thought, there was no way to express,

the loneliness of living alone in a crowd,

the pain of losing someone who was your only friend,

the slow but sure transition into an empty husk,

where you, clinging onto the already fading memories,

from a whole, to a half, and eventually to a zero.

and yet, continuing to live out this present life,

not whole, only a half, maybe less,

not feeling, only going through the motions,

not dead, only to move aimlessly,

just clutching at whatever that occupies,

to distract from whatever little hope left.

and so, with this little glimmer,

that allows you to continue to function,

that you hide so deeply inside,

that you have almost forgotten its existance,

for a future you pray, a real one,

where what you have lost, you will regain.

"I felt like I was some meaningless bug clinging for no special reason to a high stone wall on a windy night, with no plans, no beliefs." 村上

Vamps - Evanescent

another attempt at translating HYDE's songs. zzz so poetic so hard to translate.

歌手：VAMPS
作曲：HYDE
填詞：HYDE

ここまで来たから心配しないで
Don't worry, for you have come so far

ほら又夏へと向かって行くのが眩しい
Look! the progression towards summer is again dazzling

あぁ、世界は風に揺れ
Aah, the world is swaying in the wind
潤んだ雨の跡映しても
even if remains of the wet rain are still reflecting
遠い日の影を僕は追掛てる
I am still chasing after the shadow of a faraway day

エヴァネッセント
Evanescent
素敵な記憶だけ残して行くから
because only beautiful memories are being left behind.
あぁ、巡る季節にも
Aah, even in the turn of the seasons
君の夢に居て戻れない
I cannot return into existence in your dream
想い返す度痛み響くのに
in spite of the pain that resounds, each time I remember

照りつく陽が眩しいほどに
Is it that the more dazzling the sun shines,
真黒に落ちた影は焼き付くのか
the more scorched the shadow that fell into darkness will be?

君が笑うから
Because you smile,
永遠を口にせず抱きしめた
I hugged you without speaking of eternity
手が届かない方へ消えて行かない様に
in order for you not to disappear into an unreachable place.

歳月は流れても止まない君の夢
Even the flow of time does not halt your dreams
夏へ向かって行くのは 何て眩しい
The progression towards summer is astonishingly dazzling
あぁ
Aah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCcHbdYeEWQ

Is 君の夢 dreams of you, or your dreams? zzz.

looking forward to

eden of the east
http://www.japanator.com/elephant/post.phtml?pk=9515

鋼の錬金術師
http://www.fullmetal-alchemist.com/
hopefully not a draggy retelling

end of the sem.
going to be busy busy busy, even after exams. a break would be good. a break in time.

泪のムコウ

泪のムコウ (Beyond the tears)

誰かを悲しませてまで 笑えなくても
そう言って彼女は 俯いていたんだ
夜に 泣いた
"As long as it does not make somebody sad, it's ok even if I cannot smile"
so said the girl, as she looked downcast
and cried through the night.

冷たく張り付いて凍えている
降り続く現実に傘などない
Freezing in the clinging coldness
As the reality continues to rain, there's not even an umbrella

生きて行く事が戦いなんだ
そんな理由だけで
閉じこめられた
My heart My story
"To live on is to fight"
for this only reason
that I had locked up
my heart my story


泪のムコウが見えるの 輝いている
何時か出会える僕らのために
夜明けを待っている
誰かを悲しませてまで 笑えなくても
そう言って彼女は 俯いていたんだ
My story
Beyond the tears, that sparkling that you can see
that for our sake, so that we can meet someday
I'm waiting for the dawn
"As long as it does not make somebody sad, it's ok even if I cannot smile"
so said the girl, as she looked downcast
My story


月明かり濡れたまま座り込んだ
雨の町に灯りが灯るみたいに
Soaked in the moonlight, the rainy city sat and basked,
as if it is illuminated by a lamp

生きてゆけばいいただそれだけで
どんな理由だって
構わないから
My heart My story
It's good to live on, it's with only that
no matter what's the reason
I don't really care
my heart my story

泪のムコウが見えるの 輝いている
小さな窓にはあの頃みたいに
青い空が映る
あぁ 鳥のように飛べはしないけど...
Beyond the tears, that sparkling that you can see
from that small window, like that time
the image of the blue sky
aah but alas I can't fly like the bird...

無理に笑う事ないよ
そのままでいいんだよ
信じ続けていくだけ
I'm not forcing myself to laugh
It's ok just the way it is,
I just need to continue to believe.

泪のムコウが見えるの 輝いている
闇をくぐればあの空はきっと
七色に変わる
Beyond the tears, that sparkling that you can see
When the darkness is driven away, the sky is surely
Full of varying colours

誰かを悲しませたとき 感じる痛み
忘れないようにそっと瞳を閉じて
泣いた
The feeling of pain, when I made somebody sad,
In order not to forget that, I quietly closed my eyes
and cried.

Such a hard song (to translate) (for me).
Italics should be the way to go.
need to write more. speak more. zzz more.
I still want the singles, they are quite a great (and cute) band.
before it gets taken down: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn8UkKO21R4

and then

and then, when the links break,
each and every
independent connections,
over and betwixt every island,
unable to establish a network.

and then the bridges, they
each yearn out to be built,
in the hope of restoring
once again the shared thoughts
understanding and supporting each other.

but then, the
connections that were
destroyed once,
fragmented since,
gone then,
has not the capability of
integrating the
jarring thoughts, the
kind only the original
links, untainted, pure, whole,
materialized from
natural interactions,
perceptions formed from
quantum observations,
resonating between the islands,
shimmering and
tinkling,
valuable as jewels
where islands communicate, through
xenoglossia, and then,
you should not ever
zap the initial links.

another one

Subject: Free Ericsson Laptop

Dear all,


Ericsson is distributing free laptops for their brand promotion. They hope to increase their popularity and sale by
this campaign. All you need to do is send an email about this promotion to 8 people and you will receive an Ericsson
T18 Laptop. However, if you send an email to 20 or more people, you will receive an Ericsson R320 Laptop.

Make sure you cc to Anna at Ericsson anna.swelung@ericsson.com so that she will know you have sent the e-mail.




Thank you!



Stella Leong

DDI: 6398 5982

Main: 6222 9188 Fax : 6222 0998

Newstate Stenhouse (S) Pte Ltd

108 Middle Road, #04-00 Bright Chambers,

Singapore 188967

Co. Registration No. 197601846D


so obviously fake. even more so if you have received the "free phone" one.
firstly the email is the same/similar as the free phone one (don't ask me why i remember.
also a simple search will reveal that there are no T18 or R320 notebook. (they are hopelessly outdated handphone models.)
also #4-00 bright chambers sounds like a ?address.
(DDI and main tel has different starting phone numbers, but it might be possible.)
so don't bother forwarding.

IPPT

ippt at maju on 24 Feb. >.<

temple visit

Visited the buddhist temple which my father used to go. Attended the service early on the first morning of cny, after 2 years of "missing" it because we reached there late. So it was like my first temple visit/service after a long long time. Can't say i was very happy, especially after my conversion. However, some things have changed (or so it seemed) as compared to years ago.

The service consists of some lama (n.b. not llama, tibetan buddhism, check in wiki) chanting while the rest of the people listen/chant along. Then offering of some powdery stuff for burning. Then more chanting etc. Which was probably the usual.

What struck me was the explanation/purpose for the prayers/chants that they were doing, mostly for longevity or for good fortune or for prosperity. whatever happened to the abstinence of self indulgence? whatever happened to patience and quietness and peace of mind? whatever happened to spiritual growth?

No i have no problem with religions that try to promote happiness/well being. However, those that change/adapt themselves, running contrary to their basic beliefs, just to gratify the masses, that i cannot stand. Not just in this case, not just to buddhism, but also to "christianity" that stands for "health and wealth". Such promotion of religion will definitely appeal to part/majority of the masses, but what about the rest of the ideals? the rest of the doctrines? the rest of the principles?

the last straw was the shouts of "huat ah" at the end of the service. yes it's cny, yes most of us are chinese, yes it's a service specially for cny, yes we are money minded singaporeans, yes money is good, yes it pleases the crowd so i should not complain.

needless worry?

気のせいだと思いたい

気になる事

The Last Song
X Japan

Watching the stars till they're gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I'll read last line

終わらない雨　抱きしめた　夜が朝を向かえる
心はまだ濡れたまま
(Embraced by the endless rain The night turns to morning
but my heart is still not yet soaked)

In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter

傷つくだけ　傷ついて　解ったはずの答えを
どうしてまだ　問いかけてる
(I have only been hurt Even though I know the reason for being hurt
Why do I still ask about it?)

Am I wrong to be hurt
Am I wrong to feel pain
Am I wrong to be in the rain
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end
Am I wrong to cry
But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song
Cause forever fades

気がつけば又　独り夜の空を見つめてる
少しづつ消えて行く　Our　Memories
傷つくだけ　傷ついて　解ったはずの答えを
どうしてまだ　問いかけてる
(When I have noticed it, I am alone, again, gazing at night sky
Disappearing bit by bit, Our Memories
I have only been hurt Even though I know the reason for being hurt
Why do I still ask about it?)

I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter

終わらない雨　抱きしめた　夜が朝を向かえる
心はまだ濡れたまま
傷つくだけ　傷ついて　解ったはずの答えを
どうしてまだ　問いかけてる
(Embraced by the endless rain The night turns to morning
but my heart is still not yet soaked
I have only been hurt Even though I know the reason for being hurt
Why do I still ask about it?)

the proof

kick me!

i need to get my ass moving